Hi everyone, I’m posting anonymously for obvious reasons. I had a history of sleepwalking and talking as a child when I was very stressed, and a few episodes as an adult. Last night, something extreme happened. After a relaxing evening listening to music with my boyfriend, I fell asleep. Later, he was reading with the light on, and about 15 minutes after I fell asleep, I started initiating sexual activities with him. He told me my eyes were open and I was responsive. I then proceeded to perform oral sex for about 5 minutes, kissed him, and rolled over back to sleep. I vaguely remember the kiss but nothing else. This has added to my stress about sleeping. Is this normal? Am I going crazy? I’m terrified of repeating this behavior and can’t find much information on it.
Sexsomnia is a real condition. I’ve experienced it in the past and it diminished over time. All I can suggest is being mindful of potential triggers such as stress, alcohol, or lack of sleep.
Emory said:
Sexsomnia is a real condition. I’ve experienced it in the past and it diminished over time. All I can suggest is being mindful of potential triggers such as stress, alcohol, or lack of sleep.
Did it ever become dangerous? I’m concerned it might lead to harmful behavior towards my boyfriend.
@Aubrey
In my experience, it was never harmful. It’s crucial your partner is aware and keeps track of any behaviors since you won’t remember. Generally, people don’t become violent or aggressive in their sleep unless already prone to such behavior.
@Emory
He’s aware and wasn’t too worried, so I’m hoping it doesn’t happen again.
Aubrey said:
@Emory
He’s aware and wasn’t too worried, so I’m hoping it doesn’t happen again.
Often, the person experiencing sleepwalking worries more than anyone else. Document any incidents and factors like frequency and potential triggers. This can help manage your anxiety about it.
Aubrey said:
@Emory
He’s aware and wasn’t too worried, so I’m hoping it doesn’t happen again.
He’s probably more concerned about you being worried. Good partners will support you and not feel threatened by such incidents.
@Aubrey
I’m concerned about your safety too. If these episodes continue, it’s crucial that your boyfriend does not engage and wakes you up instead. This respects your unconscious state and ensures consent.
Sexsomia can be specific to circumstances, such as only occurring when sharing a bed with a romantic partner. It’s important to choose your sleeping partners wisely to avoid any awkward situations.
Shan said:
Sexsomia can be specific to circumstances, such as only occurring when sharing a bed with a romantic partner. It’s important to choose your sleeping partners wisely to avoid any awkward situations.
It seems like it was triggered by a mix of dreaming and real-life interaction. I hope it doesn’t happen again.
@Aubrey
If it bothers you, you could ask your boyfriend to gently wake you if it seems to happen again. This way, you can both manage the situation safely.
My husband had similar episodes during stressful times. We found it more amusing than worrying.
I’ve seen this happen with people who take certain medications like Ambien. It might be medication-induced if you’re taking anything similar.
Jules said:
I’ve seen this happen with people who take certain medications like Ambien. It might be medication-induced if you’re taking anything similar.
Had the same experience with Ambien!
It’s worth paying attention to whether your actions might turn negative, but if they remain harmless, it might not be a significant issue.
Funny story, I once woke up in a similar unexpected situation with my husband. We both found it bizarre but harmless.
This behavior is definitely recognized in sleep studies. Try searching for terms like ‘sexual behavior in sleep.’