Recurring dream issue: why do I keep saying something offensive to someone I admire?

Seeking Advice
1

For the past three weeks, I’ve been having recurring dreams involving someone I admire, and each time, I end up saying something incredibly offensive, specifically a racial slur, even though I deeply regret it and feel horrified when I wake up.

In one dream, I was working with them on a project, and the word just slipped out. They walked away visibly upset, and I woke up feeling awful. Another time, we were at a wine tasting, and I said something equally inappropriate—it didn’t make any sense, and I woke up again in a panic. Most recently, I dreamt about a family barbecue where I said the slur directly to them for no apparent reason.

I’ve never felt or acted this way in real life, and these dreams are starting to impact my daily life. I’ve even started lying to my spouse about having nightmares because I don’t know how to explain what’s happening. I’m worried I might say something in my sleep, and it’s causing me so much stress. Has anyone else experienced anything like this or have advice on how to make these dreams stop?

2

This has to be one of the wildest posts I’ve come across. Dreams can really throw us for a loop sometimes.

3

Oli said:
This has to be one of the wildest posts I’ve come across. Dreams can really throw us for a loop sometimes.

This sounds like something an AI would generate, but if it’s real, wow.

4

@Miller
It might be based on an old story—it’s been shared around for years.

5

Dreams are just dreams, and they don’t define who you are. If this is bothering you, try to let it go. Your reaction in the dream shows that you’re horrified by what happened, which says a lot about your actual values.

6

@Whit
I’ve read that dreams can be our brain testing scenarios to see how we’d react. Your response of horror shows this word doesn’t belong in your life.

7

I swear, my feed delivers the strangest things. This is just wild.

8

Your brain might just be working through stress or anxiety. Don’t read too much into it—it doesn’t mean anything about who you are as a person.

9

Whit said:
Your brain might just be working through stress or anxiety. Don’t read too much into it—it doesn’t mean anything about who you are as a person.

Yeah, it’s not like you’re dreaming of something violent—it’s probably just misplaced anxiety.

10

Maybe try learning how to lucid dream so you can stop yourself in the moment?

11

Flint said:
Maybe try learning how to lucid dream so you can stop yourself in the moment?

That’s a good suggestion—might help you feel more in control.

12

Dreams often represent fears or anxieties. Maybe you’re afraid of saying the wrong thing or being misunderstood in some way. Therapy could help you unpack this.

13

This might stem from anxiety about appearing racist, even though you’re clearly not. A great book to explore these feelings is How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi. It frames issues like these as societal, not personal.

14

I had recurring dreams about Bernie Sanders being disappointed in me for not doing enough during his campaign. Dreams can be so weird and tied to feelings of guilt or pressure.

15

Haven said:
I had recurring dreams about Bernie Sanders being disappointed in me for not doing enough during his campaign. Dreams can be so weird and tied to feelings of guilt or pressure.

Dream Bernie Sanders: ‘I am once again asking you to contribute to my campaign.’

16

Dreams often show our fears. It sounds like you’re terrified of being seen as someone you’re not. It’s okay to feel unsettled, but it doesn’t mean anything about your character.

17

This could indicate disrupted sleep. Have you been checked for sleep apnea or other conditions? Sleep fragmentation might explain the recurring nature of the dreams.