I’m really struggling and could use some advice. I haven’t properly or rested in months and it’s starting to take a toll on me.
I usually get into bed between 10:30–11:30 PM, but it takes me hours to fall asleep. When I finally do, I wake up multiple times during the night and then really early in the morning. I’m constantly exhausted, can’t focus during the day, and I’ve been getting daily headaches. I’ve been getting at most about 4 hours of sleep a night since August.
On top of that, my mind races with thoughts the entire time—things I need to do, songs stuck in my head, lists, memories, and trauma that I’ve been discussing in therapy. It’s overwhelming and feels impossible to shut off. ive tried everything but I can’t clear my mind. I’ve even tried napping during the day when I’m desperate, but I can’t fall asleep then either because of these thoughts.
I’m already in therapy for mental health struggles, and this lack of sleep is making everything worse. I feel even more depressed and, honestly, it’s making me feel suicidal. To make things harder, I can’t see my therapist for a few more weeks due to the holiday break.
I’ve tried so much:
I don’t drink alcohol or caffeine, and I don’t smoke.
I exercise daily and make sure to get sunlight.
My sleep hygiene is good—no screens before bed, no stimulants.
I’ve tried magnesium supplements, white noise, hypnotic sounds, meditation—even sleeping in a different spot. Nothing works.
I’m at a complete loss and feel so drained. I really struggle to get anything done during the day because of how exhausted I feel. at work im on my feet and moving around a lot but yesterday I literally felt like I could not keep my eyes open for a good hour im just so over this. If anyone has experienced something similar or has any advice, I’d really appreciate it. I just want to feel like myself again.
I have a couple tricks I use since your bullet points never really worked for me either. I have sleep anxiety and tend to ruminate.
Keep a notepad next to your bed. When you’re ruminating, write every thought down. I personally use the notes app on my phone but can understand keeping your phone away. If you want to use your phone, I suggest creating a homepage for your sleep focus that only has necessary apps. For me, it’s Clock, Calm, Spotify, Notes, and Weather.
There’s this acupressure trick… Take your index and middle finger and press between your eyes. Drag it up into your hairline with firm pressure. I do it 10 times, then curl up. This usually has me asleep in prob less than 10 minutes.
Figure out what you can listen to that breaks your ruminating. This can change from night to night! I prefer listening to deeper male voices that have a slower cadence. The Calm app has sleep story vocal talent that are great. There was also a podcast with a guy named Scooter. He recaps TV shows and goes off on tangents. Sometimes, I have to listen to music. Usually that’s instrumental pop covers.
Not sure what this trick is called, but it’s another technique to interrupt your thoughts. Think of a word, then a topic, and then for the letters in the word, think of a topic that fits that letter. So, for the word ANGRY and the topic FRUITS. I’d think Apple, Nectarine, Grape…
4-7-8 breathing works for me but not the 4 box. Four second breath in, hold for 7, then out for 8.
As an aside, I also quit my job that was causing me the most anxiety. It took about 3 months, but I now sleep 7.5+ hours a night consistently. Good luck!
@Tilden
Thanks for sharing all these tips! My therapist has also recommended journaling or writing things down, and I do find it helpful since I have OCD and also love to plan everything. But sometimes it gets a bit out of hand, especially when I’m struggling with germophobia or trauma-related thoughts that we’ve been working through in therapy.
I don’t love my job, but it’s just a casual position, which works well as a university student and the money is above minimum wage. I’ve had days where I work full shifts and literally can’t keep my eyes open. I don’t drink coffee (hate the taste), but there was one time I had to slap myself to stay awake—not hard or anything, but it weirdly helped.
I feel like I zone out a lot during the day because I’m constantly stuck in my own thoughts, so it’s like I never get a break from worrying. The depression just makes it worse. I’ll definitely try out some of your other suggestions—especially the acupressure trick and listening to something to distract myself at night. Thanks
You have “sleep onset” and “sleep maintenance” insomnia. Underlying depression can be a significant factor especially with sleep maintenance insomnia. I’m not a doctor but if you’re not taking an SSRI I’d consider it when you speak with your psychiatrist.
Napping during the day will actually hurt your ability to go to bed.
Some resources: there’s apps for insomnia. And if you haven’t reached out to a sleep doc, definitely do so.
@Chandler
I’m on fluoxetine and have been for about a year. Lately, I’ve been thinking I need to go back to my doctor to discuss increasing the dosage because the last few months have been pretty rough, to be honest. I’ve been dealing with a few mental health challenges, and the insomnia is just making everything worse.
Thanks for the advice about napping I’ve only tried twice when I felt like I was going to pass out—I’ve been avoiding it, but even when I try, I can’t seem to fall asleep during the day either because of racing thoughts. I’ll definitely look into apps for insomnia. I just feel so stuck right now, and every night is just the same. but I’m hoping relief really is around the corner. Thanks for the support.
Try podcasts for sleep. There are so many free to choose from online. They are great for relaxing your mind and allowing your body to unwind while listening to a bedtime story. The one I like is called Nothing Much Happens. It works for me every night. I choose a story, it doesn’t matter which one, I fall asleep within a few minutes and I never remember the story. If I wake up I just turn it back on and fall back to sleep. I even restart it in the early morning when I wake up too early. It works and it’s free! I really like the story tellers voice. It’s very calming and she says key things at the beginning of every story that help make me relax. Try it, it may work for you.
I’m a long-time insomniac and I recently discovered the Calm app. I originally listened to soundscapes and guided meditations on it, but then I decided to try Sleep Stories and that was the magic potion for me.
Every night when I’m winding down and starting to get sleepy, I pick out a new sleep story from dozens they have and almost without fail have fallen asleep before the end of the story. In fact, I look forward to it now and find them quite comforting. I never imagined this would be the case. Now I understand why children like to have their parents read to them at bedtime. Try it!
@Haru
Thanks for the suggestion! I’ll definitely download the app. Is it the one with the white cursive writing? And are the sleep stories part of the same app, or do you need a separate subscription or anything for them? They sound so comforting—I’d love to give them a try!